Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Thanks Asshole

Did you ever notice how grocery store clerks always say "thank you" right as they're giving you your change? This creates a problem for me, because I always try to make a point of saying "thank you" as well. What will usually happen is that we both say it right at the same time, and then there's this awkward silence where we stare at each other like two biggest fucking idiots on the planet... Like we're trying to figure out which one of us owes the other one a Coke. Nobody ever says "you're welcome." Isn't that how it's supposed to go...

"Thank You."

"You're Welcome."

Really simple right? I suppose I could just make things easy on myself and say "you're welcome," but that just seems kind of snotty and fucked up. I make this 65 year old lady, that might as well be my Grandma, ring up all my shit, bag it, and then on top of it all, I make her thank me for letting her do it. Saying "you're welcome" would kind of be like saying, "Keep it up, and I'll let you bag my groceries any time you want... Plebian" And that's not my style.

If there's any cashiers reading this, take heed, because this is all your fucking fault. You don't need to say thank you. Wait for me to say "thank you" and then you can say "You're very welcome. Have a nice day" or some bullshit like that. See how pleasant that was? And if the customer doesn't have enough courtesy to thank you first, then you shouldn't have to say anything to their self absorbed ass either. They can just go get T-Boned by a petroleum truck on the way home. That'll melt their fucking Hagen Daz...

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